Drunk on a ladder Round 23

Two weeks back I totally mozzed Logger, virtually handing him both the PunchDrunk cup and the DreamTeam championship. Sorry Andy. Last week I tried it with Tassy, but he just swatted it aside, with a haughty 'I defy your mozz'. He was just too strong.
Still this is the final round, the traditional stumbling-block for many a Drunk. Games don't go according to plan, the footy gods are merciless. Can Logger, Jesper or Alex pull the right lever? We'll all know in a matter of days.
I'm heading to in-law-land NZ tomorrow, I'll miss everything, but good luck to all.

PUNCHDRUNK PIE NIGHT and PRIZE-GIVING

This once-a-lifetime experience will be even bigger and better than last year's version. Don't miss it.
Date: Thursday September 29, that's the thursday before the Grand Final.
Place: TBA, probably no surprises.

Well blow me down. Last week there was almost no way Logger was not going to win this thing. Now Jim's Cheesies have hit him high and hard and he's gooorn!
That leaves the 2 past League of Drunks winners, The Chimps and the Cheesies to battle out the big one. My plan for the Chimps has misfired somewhat with a whole bunch of late season injuries and suspensions and bereft of trade options. And an ill-timed trip to NZ just before the teams are announced. Excuses, excuses. Looking like back-to-backs for Jimmy from Cheesetown.

And down here? Yes there is life on Mars, but it's a lower form of life. It's Derek up against Alex. All the best martians.

Drunk on a ladder. R 22.

Sorry to be late, and brief here. This is all quite full of importance after all. Tassy Kontogianapopoloutzious, the man with the longest name in fotballshowbizness, come on down. He rolled the dice with his own Swannies and came up smelling of roses. Hell, he probably didn't even realise he was rolling dices.... (I rolled the dice with my Demons and fucked myself in the arse. Quite a feat if you can do it. Half pleasant also). Tassy then scooped the Chokito outa the pool aith the Tiges to go screaming to the lead like one of those Mardi Gras drag queens he models himself on.
I gotta go home now, but Tassy congrats mate. It's gonna take a big man....
2 eights too, Tassy at the top of the table, and Harv at the bottom.

And then there were 4.
The Brennas smack the Demonskis, The Cheesies did what they should have against the JCEs.
How will the bye affect the Chimps and the Loggers? Well I can tell you the Chimps are in all sorts with a couple of biggish names out for the season, and a bare cupboard of trades.

And downstairs? The Whatakerfuffles may protest lack of interest, but thay're still in the (minor) hunt against creatr. NWS and Ovaries. Go figure.

We got ourselve's a party....

OMG! (which I believe is Young-People talk for Orchestral Manoeuvres in the Garden, or some-such) there's a party goin' on.
Just when it looked like Jesper and Tassy were heading for an intimate encounter... two men locked alone in a room, bring your own baby oil... we now have a menage a trois. And more than that there are others knocking on the door.... We got a love-in.

Yes, Andy Lobby "Logger" Lloyd, lascivious Lothario of the lens, lilly-livered lover of long-legged ladies with lime lollypops, has lurched to a late lead. And he's also looking the goods in the League of Drunks too. Not bad for his first year.
When he arrived on the scene at season's beginning, of course he was welcomed with customary PunchDrunk warmth and affection. A new brother bearing $60 - One of us.
Logger, what the fuck are you doing mate? The idea was you put money in. Not take it out.
Only joking. Of course. Anyway there are still 3 rounds to go, several each-way bets coming up, and the party is only just beginning.

These days success is found in the least likely places. As is his wont Dirk has once again come through with his customary 'kickin' against the wind' perfect solo 8, taking home a nice slab of cash. I'll work out how much when I get a chance. Just like Dean Bailey, Dirk has a game-plan and he sticks to it. Respect. And bucks.

A small side contest in the Drunk this year is seeing which of our many Tiges supporters finishes in 9th spot... likely contestants this year are Dickwad (8th), Sean 'Catfish' Cox (11th), Juzzy 'the Devil' (12th) and Brenna (14th).

Anyway enough slander.... Let's party...


Not sure what happened to the lip-sync there...

Drunk Housekeeping

PunchDrunk Pie Night & Prizegiving
Put it in your filofaxes now: The date of the Final PunchDrink and Cup-Handing-Over will be, as usual, the Thursday eve prior to the Grand Final. That is Thursday September 29 (I believe). Details to follow, but start sucking up to the Missus (or Mister) now. I have.

Geez! The Money!
I will email you details very soon I promise.

Very much into the pointy end here, and for some it hurts.
I didn't get around to hyping the onset of the finals last week, but you can see what happened below.

In the REAL half The Loggers and The Chimps came through unscathed and earn a week off. Sadly Sean's Catfish and Rob's Mongrels have bitten the dust, packed off home to dwell on their unfinished business til next season.

In the LESSER half, The Weisswursts and the North South Wests did enough to cruise through to the Prelims, while Benny's Whatakerfuffles fell flat and Ando's velocity cats are now buried somewhere in the backyard.

So this week we have the battle of Geelong, the highly credentialled Cheesies out to lick the JCEs in a battle of the pussies. And the oh so evenly matched Demonskis and Brennas locking horns. I'lll be sitting between Mark and Brenna at the G during the final stages of that contest, so hopefully it doesn't turn ugly.
In the underworld we'll see the Ovaries punching Aaaaargh and Creatr wooping the aptly named Heylow. I reckon.

New Dawn Fades

5 months back I bought a ticket on the Demons Love Boat and made my way to my top-deck cabin. Nice curtains, views of nothing but future and glorious tales of the exotic ports our sails were set for.
The food looked good, fellow passengers handsome and well-groomed, if a little plasticky and the band sounded good while tuning up. The captain, first mate and crew the epitome of mutual love and respect. The maps looked very exciting, hope was being sold by the bucket-load. Surely this must be trip of a lifetime...

OK some signs were there, in hindsight. Just out of the Heads there was a strange kind of rumbling coming from below deck. And yeah, the Captain never invited the Purser to sit at his table, and the Entertainment Officer seemed to be dancing to Radar Love while the band was playing Ebony Eyes, but he's just a tad eccentric right? And yes, a while back we passed a sign on a buoy that said 'Bermuda Triangle'.

Seriously, I just don't know where to look. It wasn't meant to be like this. Nobody really enjoys being kicked in face and having 186 teeth extracted, but this denouement is even worse. This fucked-up interpersonal dog-fucking, bitch-hitting. This delusional ego-propulsion, termiting, festering pus-boiled, cancer-ridden, diarrhea-encrusted, life-sucking ship-sinking shit is not what I signed up for. Decades and decades and decades ago.

But here I am. In a leaky lifeboat with a few salty biscuits, a bunch of gloomy fellow travelers and a sextant that no-one knows how to use.

Waiting for sun-up.

Back to the band...

Housekeeping

Firstly: I'm sorry. I did warn you standards would be down this year, but still, seriously.....

Secondly: Thanks to those who popped along to the Pre-season PunchDrink a couple of weeks back. It was a small but high-quality turn-out. It's always enjoyable to talk shit in knowledgeable and attractive company.

Thirdly: Details for PunchDrunk payola. It's $60, plus $10 for the top 8. I'll give you direct deposit details soon, I'm not darn fool enough to broadcast it over the internets machine though (it's the same as last year if you've kept those details). I was throwing an idea around the table at the Drink about a different approach to finals prize-giving, but we'll look at that next year. (Unless I go the way of Dean Bailey).

Fourthly: I'm still sorry.

Drunk on a ladder R19

After an unacceptably long absence, finally word from the tally-room.
Unfortunately the incremental ladder was driving me a little incremental, and I left it too long between updates, so we have a lo-fi version here. Just the ugly truth in all it's glory.

It's tempting to say nothing much matters any more, all is hopeless, but there are a few people who won't share that sentiment.
There's a fairly steep step for those sitting 9th or below to get over to bust into the eight. I could complain how close I'd be except my tips hadn't registered week before last, so I lost the unloseable friday night game. But I won't, cos it's whinging and boring and it's happened to a few of us before. I could rue the last minute tip-changes to 2 the previous 3 friday games from a winning to a losing tip. But that would be self-indulgent. Fuck it.

Anyway, here we sit with Jesper and Tassy still tussling it out like a pair of bikini-clad jelly wrestlers. They've been at it all year and it's just starting to get a little exciting. But lo! Look out for Logger and Alex, both on the cusp. Logger has a truly outstanding margin and will sweep to lead if the other 2 slip on that jelly.

With 5 rounds to go it's worth reiterating that the PunchDrunk Cup goes to the leading Drunk after 24 Rounds. That there shall be only ONE winner.
A finals series will commence for the top 8 Drunks only, on the receipt of 10 (TEN) dollars at PunchDrunk HQ. Winner of the finals comp will take home all $80 dollars in a small unmarked envelope unless they wish to spill it upon the bar at the Punch Drunk Prize-giving Pie Night. Said Prize-giving will take place on the evening of Thursday 6th October, which is the Thursday prior to the Grand Final. Venue to be announced, but there shall be no surprises there.

And here we are, last game before the finals commence... How the hell did that happen?
However, there is no question as to the top 8, with a gulf of 3 games 'tween Brenna in 8th and Dirk's Weisswursts in 9th (he's a Tiger supporter after all).
The Minor Premiership would, without doubt, have to be handed to Logger too, if only there was one.
Let's take a languid glance at this week's games:
Champanzees v Brennas: Based on last week's scores there's 21 points in favour of the Chimps. That's nuthin' in modern football.
Catfish v Loggers: 144 points difference in favour of the Legends on last week's showing. That's nuthin' in modern footy.
Creatr v Ovary Punchers: 320 points to Creatr... that's starting to be a fair bit IMF.
Whatakerfuffle v NWS: The W's a mere 99 points adrift of the NWS. Easy!
The Velocity Cats v Demonskis: 763 points to the 'Monski's. Dees revenge over The Cats.
Heylow v Weisswursts: 234 points turnaround by the 'Lows? Nah.
Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh v JCE's: 359 points in favour of the Joels, A bridge too far methinks.
Mongrels v Cheesedale: 638 points to the Cheesesticks. Percentage, percentage, percentage.

So next week, you're either in the top half finals, or the bottom half. One means something, is it unkind to say the other means nothing? Every kiddie goes home with a medal.... winner or loser.